Classic Simpsons Moments 3

Mr. Burns final sentence in this clip is one of those lines that stick out in the mind of every Simpsons fan.



From that moment on, I could never pronounce "tartar" properly; it became "TAR-TAR".

And when you mention Mr. Burns, you've gotta mention his assistant Waylon Smithers, who harbours a love for his boss far beyond friendly affection.

Classic Simpsons Moments 2

One of the things that makes the Simpsons so great is its pop culture references. This is one of my favourites.



Believe it or not, a sequel is in production.

Classic Simpsons Moments

In preparation for the upcoming movie, I've decided to re-watch some of my favourite moments from the show.

The following clip, I think, embodies the silliness, brilliance, and grace of the show perfectly: when Homer ate chips in space, all to the tune of The Blue Danube Waltz.



If you remember this episode, this is the one where Homer does not win "Employee of the Week", even though he is the final employee to not have won (union rules mandating that all win at some point). He ends up losing to a more deserving contributor - an inanimate carbon rod.

The rod getting the respect it deserves.

Since when is carbon green??? It must be radioactive.

'Thriller' Killers (and thieves, and all other types of felons)

One of the things that I've always wondered is how convicted felons pass time in prison. Now I know.

They remake classic music videos. At least that's what the Filipino ones do.



I've never been so proud of my country. I love how they use a man in place of an actual woman (for obvious reasons).

Zero Confusion

Remember when Coca-Cola came out with Coke Zero? Given today's health-conscious consumers, Coca-Cola thought it'd be a good idea to create a beverage that tasted sweeter than Diet Coke without adding calories. Using a mix of artificial sweeteners, the beverage was supposed to have a taste unique to itself.

It turns out there is a possibility of "taste confusion" (i.e. the drinker is unsure whether or not he/she is drinking Coke or Coke Zero), and yes - there has been a campaign spearheaded to sue Coca-Cola over such confusion. Unbelievable, eh? Well believe it, baby.

Here's Coca-Cola's response.

Just so there's zero confusion, don't worry; it's all just a viral campaign by Coca-Cola.

Roadspill

This afternoon I was on my way home. On the right lane, I noticed that, about 50 metres away, a van was stopped with its hazard lights on. After merging into the next lane over, I looked over. What was wrong? Flat tire? Woman in labour? Then I saw the answer.

The van had pulled right beside a light post, to which a child was standing uncomfortably close to. As the kid pulled up his pants and turned around, a big wet mark was visible.

Really, sir/madam - could you not find some place a little more discrete than a major road? I understand kids don't have as much control with their bladders, but c'mon. There's some secluded bushes and a donut shop nearby. The following sentence is going to age me, but who cares; when I was a kid, and I was on road trips, my dad wouldn't let me go over the side of the road. Instead he'd make me find an empty can/bottle and go in there while the van was moving.

Maybe that's why I have such exceptional balance these days...

Movie review: Transformers

Did I think that the movie lived up to its hype, or that it had transformed into a shell of its former self?

Before I begin, I'd like to say that I started this post talking about how I planned on seeing Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix tonight. In that post, I made a brief, insignificant reference to Transformers. Suddenly, the thoughts kept on coming, and I decided that it would be wrong to deprive the loyal readership.

So, did I think the movie lived up to its hype, or was I sorely disappointed? Now that I've burned a paragraph, I'll cut to the chase; the latter. Go out and find Optimus (Michael Bay's version), because I'm about to flame the movie. BEWARE - spoilers abound for the five of you who haven't seen it yet.


Optimus arrives to help me set fire to the movie.

For the first hour or so, we see the Transformers disguise themselves amongst everyday forms. Bumblebee is an old car, Scorponok is your everyday run-of-the-mill giant scorpion, and Frenzy is a boombox just like in the cartoon. Oh wait, Frenzy is supposed to be a cassette tape that pounded the floor with battering rams, and Soundwave is a boombox. Whatever.


Just your everyday giant scorpion. No wonder it went undetected.

The first encounter is with a Decepticon helicopter, whose name I don't know. The Americans warn the chopper to leave as it is entering restricted airspace, but the defiant chopper lands at their base anyway. It then transforms into robot form - WHOA! The beautiful sequence takes about 5 seconds, which is dumb for a number of reasons. 1) It's not practical. Had the humans learned, they would've just dropped napalm on an unsuspecting Decepticon while it was going through the rigours of transforming. 2) In the middle of the 5 second sequence is 1 second of the famous transforming sound. Uhhh Michael....the sound is what transforming sounds like, idiot. It's not just some random sound byte you stick in the middle of the sequence. In other words, the length of the sound equals the amount of time required to transform.

Meanwhile, a boy back in the US meets up with the Autobots and is bestowed the task of saving the world; by finding his grandfather's glasses. How did the Autobots know that he had the coveted glasses? eBay, natch. How does a pair of a dead man's glasses have implications on the fate of our world? In a nutshell, there is this cube from Cybertron, the Transformers home planet, that can create robot life. If in the wrong hands, an evil-doer, such as Megatron, can create an endless army and do God knows what. In this case, wipe out human life as we know it. Once Optimus finds the cube, he vows to take it into his chest, destroying the instrument and himself in the process. As Optimus explains the history its history, we're treated to some visions of Cybertron when war raged over that damn cube. Amidst mountains, lava, and hellfire and brimstone, Autobots and Decepticons battle it out. Since when did Cybertron become Middle Earth? Why does it look so organic? Whatever.

While the boy and his crush search his room for the glasses, his parents become suspicious of loud noises coming from outside. However, they never see the Autobots (who are as big as their house) because they are remarkably good at hiding. Ummm, does anyone recall the Transformers tagline from the 80's? "Robots in disguise": i.e. they hide by turning into a form familiar to humans, remaining undetected. They don't hide by finding cover behind a bush.

After being apprehended by government officials, it's revealed that a black ops division of the US government is in possession of the cube and Megatron (under constant supervision and cyrostasis). Eventually Starscream (I think) cuts power off from the facility, disabling the cyrostasis and allowing Megatron to escape. The humans escape too, with the cube in tow. The question is, how does Megatron, a handgun, escape a deep underground facility? Simple, he's actually an X-Wing ship (of Star Wars fame). Huh? Apparently the explanation is that he's a Cybertronian ship. OK, so why didn't the other recently-landed Transformers come with their own vehicle-form already?


Run, it's an army of Megatrons!

In the end, after a long battle in the city, in which, miraculously, there were no human fatalities after billions of dollars in damage, Spike kills Megatron and the cube by inserting it into his chest. What? How the hell did he know that would kill Megatron and not make him uber-powerful? More importantly, how did Optimus Prime not think to do that? Why was he so adamant about offing himself when he could've killed off that nuisance whilst taking care of the cube dilemma?

The answer lies in Optimus' first line after Megatron dies, "I'm sorry, brother." I see; you wanted to sacrifice yourself out of love for your brother. And then what would happen to the humans you've fought so hard to protect over the past 48 hours? Do you really think that Megatron would be so touched that he would strive to continue your work? And really; BROTHERS? Please. I think that end-of-the-movie swerve induced the least amount of emotion since I discovered that solyent green was made out of people (PEOPLE!).

In the end, Bumblebee somehow gets his voice back. The kid starts making out with the girl on top of Bumbleebee while the other Autobots watch. Optimus talks about the glory of humans, and calls upon other Autobots to join them on earth. During all this sunshine happiness, Starscream escapes. SEQUEL!

In the end, I'm glad I saw it. Yes I hated it - hate is a strong word, and that's why I use it - but it's kind of like my disdain for the Simpsons; I hate it for what it has become, but watch it for what it used to be.

In Memory Of....

Before I re-post my tribute to my school-friend Johnny Lo, I should explain something.

Many of you will remember last week, I wrote an entry in honour of an old friend who had died suddenly. You may also remember that the post was, within a few hours, inexplicably removed.

That's because he was still alive.

When I went to visit him, his mother had made frequent references to the donation of his organs, and him being with Jesus now; it felt pointless, and frankly, insensitive to request confirmation: "So, he's really dead?"

I felt that it was best that his family broke the news rather than some guy the deceased hadn't seen in years. Thus, I didn't tell anybody. Later in the day, I looked at his Facebook profile to see what people were writing, and within hours, heartfelt tribute messages and RIP's appeared. "People know now, time to blog a tribute." I thought.

Imagine my shock when, hours later, I received word that Johnny was still alive. Critical, but alive. Hence the removal of the tribute post.

He hung tough for a little while longer, until a few days ago when he passed on quietly. So I'm putting the tribute back up. I've also added in a couple more stories that I recall from high school. Upon further reminiscing, he was also in my grade 12 physics class where we caused a bit of trouble.

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Last night I logged onto Facebook to receive a disturbing message. Someone unknown to me sent a message saying that a high school buddy of mine, Johnny Lo, had been in a serious accident and was in critical care. I had an early morning interview the next morning and work in the afternoon, so I decided that I should drop by and say hello. Even though I hadn't spoken to Johnny in over five years, I thought it'd be nice to offer my support in person and see him.

Imagine how stunned I was when I got there and was informed by his mother that his organs were being donated. I was completely blindsided. On my way to the hospital I had imagined us talking briefly, reminiscing, and possibly making plans to meet up sometime after he was released.

I first met Johnny when I was in grade 6. I was new to the school, and he arrived about a couple of months later. He was an extremely friendly guy, but was often teased by the punk kids for his relatively thick Chinese accent. Despite that, he didn't let it bother him much and maintained his friendly nature. And in time, he won those punk kids over with his talents. 1) Johnny was an amazing artist. When he got bored in class, he doodled, and I remember looking over one day in curiosity and saying "Whoa! Look at that!" If I remember correctly, he had drawn his left hand with exceptional detail. 2) He was an AWESOME goalie. In grades 6 and 7, our recess games consisted of ball hockey and red-ass. After a few games, the guys started to pick up on Johnny as an exceptional goalie, and he soon became one of the first to be picked when choosing teams.

And though he didn't exactly excel at red-ass, I guess you could say his humility and characteristic of fair play shone through in a humourous way: remember how the losers of red-ass would have to stand by the wall and get thrown at? Most losers would try and argue their way out of taking shots to the butt. But Johnny would simply offer up an "Awww shit!", walk to the wall and take his shots to the butt with no complaints. Afterwards, he'd laugh and would be ready for the next round. Seriously, nothing seemed to phase him and he was always enjoying himself.

During grade 7, the movie "Ricochet", starring Ice-T, received heavy TV promotion. Everyday for lunch, my drink was a can of iced tea. I guess Johnny saw that commercial far too often, because whenever I opened the can, he'd go "WHAAAT!!! ICED TEA! RICOCHET!!! WHAAAAATT!!"

I have a few good high school memories of him. Outside of school I did play ball-hockey with him occasionally on weekends, but for the most part, him and I went our separate ways after elementary school in terms of crowd and didn't hang out much anymore. We still said hello to one another in the halls and asked how things were going. We did have grade 10 gym together, in a class full of the bad kids. He actually got along with them really well, much better than I did. I don't know how it happened, but somehow they coined this phrase that caught on - for no apparent reason, they started proclaiming, in Mortal Kombat-announcer style, "Johnny Lo...WINS!!!". Eventually it caught on with everyone and the entire class would say it at random. He loved it.

Grade 12 physics was the last class I believe I had with him. Our teacher was Mr. Tung, renowned in school for having no control over his classes whatsoever. Johnny and I took full advantage of that. At the beginning of the semester, I thought I would take the class seriously, trying to give Mr. Tung a chance to prove the naysayers wrong. But no, his class was a total joke. Once we came to that realization, Johnny and I would sometimes do stupidness at the back of the class. I have this one memory where we reenacted the latest episode of RAW (WWE wrestling) and we traded punches and clotheslines for a good five minutes. Eventually I got fed up; I pointed to something behind him to make him look, and when he turned back around, I "knocked him out" with a foreign object: my class notes.

Just before I started graduate studies, I ran into him on the U of Toronto campus. We spoke for about five minutes, and said that we'd talk again sometime. Never did I imagine that the next time would be in this form.

Goodbye Johnny. When it's my time, I hope to see you again.